- Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The
Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please
use other entrance."
- Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma,
AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me
the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
- A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. "What
Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come
to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic
- On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer
arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't
have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one
cow shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
- During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what "Amen"
means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means 'Tha-tha-tha-that's
- A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."
- A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran
up, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead
in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," she replied. The child thought a moment
and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
- Bill Keane, creator of the "Family Circus" cartoon strip tells
of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said,
"Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me."
Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep erasing parts of it?"
- After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow
up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the
pastor replied, but why? "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest
preachers we've ever had."
- My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old
daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I
wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear
Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear
Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
- There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking
lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK—FOR MEMBERS ONLY! Trespassers
will be baptised!
- No God—No Peace. Know God—Know Peace.
- Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!
- Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins'.
- An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on
which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For
Fast Relief, Take Two Tablets."
- People are like tea bags—you have to put them in hot water before you
know how strong they are.
- Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush.
- Fight truth decay—study the Bible daily.
- How will you spend eternity—Smoking or Non-Smoking?
- Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives.
- Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay
is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
- It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin.
- If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
- Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal Fire Insurance
- A ch__ch is a church when U R in it.
- If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.